Netflix Gives a Glimpse into Life with Mental Illness

If you have checked out any of my blog posts, or you know, even my look at the websites title and URL, you know I like to revolve my posts around three topics: mental health, motherhood, and being a registered nurse (especially L&D). Many times, inspiration comes from current events. Whether that be elementary school shootings, supreme court rulings that control a woman’s body, or maybe a recent mental breakdown of my own. Chill everyday shit right? Instead, Netflix inspired todays post. It’s not a far reach actually. If you know me at all, you know I LOVE reality TV (especially Bravo) and Netflix. Sorry, I spend my free time watching garbage TV. And it is not a guilty pleasure, it’s self care. Period. Queen Charlotte a Bridgerton Story was my self-care binge watch on Mothers Day. And when I tell you, it not only hit me in the feels and resonated with my own mental illness and that of those in my life, it was a dagger to my heart. A dagger that opened flood gates of anxiety in my mind and despair through my tear ducts. 

A Lack of Inspiration

I haven’t posted much in the past month or so. A few reasons I suppose. Life of course. Motherhood, all-star cheer, trying to take care of myself, and work. Labor and delivery definitely has kicked it up a notch the past few weeks. Another reason, and a huge factor in why I will never be an influencer, I can’t just write bullshit. It just doesn’t flow. I have to feel passionate to get started. Then my thoughts and feelings just flow easily and quickly. I can go back and edit and add details or educational points. Then make a Canva graphic for IG, share a story, etc, etc. 

I tried to write a post for National Nurses Week. Celebrate nurses, give a glimpse on all the roles and responsibilities we have, blah blah blah. I sat at the Chevy dealership while I got my car serviced and got through a few thoughts and pages, but it was just so blah. Meh. Nothing anyone would want to read unless it was assigned for some nursing 101 class. Uninspired. So I stopped. I didn’t want to spend my time on it. Perhaps next Nurses Week. That said, May is also Mental Health Awareness Month. And it just feels wrong to let the month totally pass without addressing that.

Is Writing Art?

I never thought about writing as an expression of creativity. I guess because I am not much of a reader, so I can’t really appreciate the creative works of brilliant writers. Many great writers have suffered from mental illness. With my ADHD, especially being undiagnosed and untreated during times of schooling, I just could not get into books, couldn’t hold my attention or focus. I always have thought of myself as a logical brain. A Capricorn, needing to know the next steps, what is going to happen, have a plan. I think of a creative brain as someone who can go with the flow, follow what inspires them. Artists, inventors, those who ideas come to. Definitely not me. I can’t draw, I never enjoyed doing crafts or painting with Kylie, I barely enjoy color. Black is my favorite. 

That said, as I have started my journey of real self-discovery and recovery. I had years of childhood trauma, unhealthy coping, and masking who I am to fit in with what I thought was normal because I have always felt so abnormal, I have begun to be able to realize and even admit out loud things that I actually like. I know that sounds really freaking weird. But I am telling you, anyone reading this who can relate to such coping strategies of making yourself small and bland will understand. When people even ask my favorite song, my favorite movie, what actor I think is hot… I blank.

Anyway, Back on Topic

I recently have realized that I really enjoy music; music with meaning. Music that shows skill and talent and makes you feel something. Music with bands who play actual instruments. Picking up on the creative choices of producers, like an unexpected delay in the next note or lyric. And the writing of lyrics that speak to your soul. That make you feel like they were written for you. It’s really amazing when you think about it. I enjoy visual works of art too. Just imagining all the thought that goes into a specific color choice or metaphorical reference.

Inspiration 

Anyway, hopefully that’s my only tangent. I just wanted to speak on the need for inspiration and passion to get my writing going. And the other night, after finishing Queen Charlotte I was definitely inspired. But it also put me in an anxious and negative state. Then something seemingly harmless, but annoying from my daughter, made me irritable and panicky and I couldn’t fall asleep until 1:30 am. 

We know the Bridgerton series is fiction, with inspiration from history. But it seems that the story and characters in Queen Charlotte seem to draw more from history in regards to character development than the previous two seasons. I think it is well known that the ruler of England during the time of the American Revolution was known as “Mad King George”. And if you didn’t learn that in high school history class, maybe you learned it from Hamilton. (another amazing piece of art, especially when you notice all the fine details and creative choices that lend to its excellence)

While personally heart wrenching, Queen Charlotte does portray mental illness in a way not often explored in the media. Viewing perspectives of King George, like when he thinks what he is doing is best, but is more often hurting himself and those around him and making things worse. But also the positive effects when you have a steadfast support system. But also how you cannot always trust or rely on that support because perhaps you have never had it before. It is easy for the viewer to see on the outside, just like it is easy to judge and see things clearly for outsiders in real life, however well meaning, looking in.

The way Shonda Rhimes and the other creators and writers of the show give us both perspectives of the same scenarios is truly brilliant. Hopefully, it should help the viewer open their eyes to a view of mental illness that had not grasped before. 

Portrayals of Mental Illness in the Media

Very thankfully, the stigma around mental illness is starting to ease. The conversations around such a misunderstood topic are increasing. Let’s take a look at some works of film and TV that have portrayed mental illness through the years. I would like to feel optimistic that storylines and portrayals have become less crude and more accurate. More humanized.

The Shining (1980)

The character played by Jack Nicholson shows the process of going insane being isolated in an empty hotel, with what seems to be schizophrenic hallucinations that are worsening. Then turning him into a violent monster. People who suffer from schizophrenia can make dangerous decisions, but mostly a danger to themselves. Often not murderers. 

Me, Myself, and Irene (2000)

This movie is about Jim Carrey’s character have two “split personalities” that try to overtake each other, similar to a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde situation. Dissociative Identity Disorder is a mental illness often misrepresented for the sake of comedy and horror. 

Garden State (2004)

Zach Braff’s character suffered from severe clinical depression for many years. But after returning to his home state and meeting Natalie Portman’s character, he realizes his depressed personality is being made numb and dull by his prescriptions. Spending time with Natalie’s character is all he needs, makes sense right?! That is a terrible message to send.

Many patients often wrestle with their own personal struggles of wanting to stop medications when they don’t work, or especially when they do. That is something we definitely do not want entertainment to encourage or confuse more. 

The Joker (2019)

I can appreciate that this movie and its character is based on a comic book character. So it only makes sense to sensationalize and exaggerate. This movie also resonated and made me pretty upset, because at certain moments I can empathize with the difficulty fighting something in your brain that you are struggling to change. It also does have a certain accuracy of society fearing what they do not understand. But it does unfortunately also perpetuate stereotypes of increased bullying and mental illness being cause for violence and destruction. 

Law & Order: SVU (like every year)

The list of episodes that have characters experiencing mental illness, especially when being either victims or perpetrators or sexual crimes, would take all day to write. A specific example I wanted to point out is when Bipolar Disorder is portrayed, almost always, incorrectly. It is a common misconception that those suffering from Bipolar Disorder look more like they have a “split personality”. Someone who is happy and manic one day and severely depressed the next. Often referred to as “mood swings”. Cycling through manic stages and depression can be more or less rapid depending on the day or the person, but it is not one moment you’re depressed and the next you’re hyper. A stage of mania can last a week. A week without sleep, not eating, hyper-fixated on a task, risky behavior, followed by a crash of depression that can last months. 

Many of the inaccurate & negative depictions of mental illness do so for the sake of comedy or horror

Of course, we have to know that this is fiction and creative license has to be taken to make something interesting. I get that. But, sad to say, so many people are just idiots that take what they see as truth. Still today in 2023, we take a headline on a Facebook article as fact and DONT EVEN READ THE ARTICLE. The amount of patients that get their birth education from Instagram and TikTok increases everyday.

If we talk about the negative, we certainly should highlight some of the positive. I know that people may think our society has gone soft, too sensitive, too politically correct. Sure, I can agree with that to an extent. We don’t necessarily need to “cancel” everyone that misspeaks or makes a mistake, especially if their intent is not meant to cause harm. 

That said: you know better, you do better. If you look back on movies, jokes, and shows from the 80’s and 90’s, you know that shit would not fly today. And for good reason. There is a reason people are terrified to admit mental illness diagnosis’ or past experiences of trauma because it is often made the butt of a joke. Here are some media examples where the portrayal and conversation of mental illness starts to get it right. 

Mental Illness Portrayals in the Media that Start to Get it Right

28 Days (2000)

Ok this one is kind of corny. But if you have dealt with alcoholism, either in yourself or your parents, you might be able to relate. First, Sandra Bullock is a treasure. Period. She shows the horrible effects her alcoholism not only has on herself, but her family. She shows the difficult process of detox and striving for sobriety.

The flashbacks of her childhood with her mother, who was also an alcoholic, and how as a child you really don’t understand the danger you are in and the suffering around you. Only seeing your memories in a different lens when you are old enough to understand. That is a reality I know all too well. 

Black Swan (2010)

I wanted to make mention of Black Swan because it shows mental illness from a different side, a different sort of trigger. While the psychosis is extreme, the anxiety and perfectionism brought on by pressure associated with ballet and competition is something many can relate to. Perfectionism and pressure can also feed eating disorders and low self-esteem. We as parents must keep this reality in the forefront of our minds. Whether that be when choosing how we encourage our children to get good grades or master an elite tumbling skill before cheer tryouts. 

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

This movie shows struggles of high schoolers. Which we know mental illness among teens is getting more and more severe and starting younger and younger. The movie shows the effects of PTSD and suicidal ideation on a young boy, his friends and his family, and the power of a tribe and true support and acceptance. 

Black-ish (2014-2022)

I love it when comedies take the time and space to depict serious issues. Not shying away from current events and social issues. So the Black-ish episode about Rainbow struggling with postpartum depression, in theory is not surprising, but still welcome. It addresses an issue that we don’t discuss enough. This is especially true in the culture of, stereotypes of, and treatment of Black women and motherhood.

“Societal stereotypes portray white woman as more fragile and in need of help, while portraying Black women as strong and confident. Many people think that because this is categorized as a “positive bias” or complimentary stereotype, that it is less problematic. But we can conclude, in the setting of mental health care, this can cause a major problem”

Progress Needed for Postpartum: Part III (Mental Mommy Nurse)

This is Us (2016-2022)

The way this show portrayed anxiety through Randall’s panic attacks really struck a nerve with me. It did so because I felt so connected to it. When he described losing his vision, the chest pain, feeling like you’re literally going to die. That is legit.

Another great aspect and perspective, which is not common, is just Randall being a Black man with anxiety. All the articles I have read show that Black people, especially Black males, have lower rates of mental illness than white people. But is that because it is less likely to be reported and the hesitancy to seek treatment? The pressure for the perception of masculinity is ever present, so having a Black man with severe anxiety displayed on a hugely popular primetime show hopefully shows people they are not alone.

Euphoria (2019 – )

I haven’t been in high school in some years, but I sure hope Euphoria isn’t an accurate representation of what it’s like now. Yikes. But the struggles Rue has with anxiety, depression, and addiction are legit. Her suffering after the death of her dad, and the destruction she causes to her family and friends. But they still love you. Even when you are hard to love. The awareness that you are hard to love only causes more self loathing and self medicating. Zendaya is a queen and deserves all the Emmys for role as Rue.

and this finally brings me to the real topic of this post…

Queen Charlotte: a Bridgerton Story (2023)

If you are living under a rock, then maybe you have not heard of the hit Netflix series Bridgerton. Or maybe you are some sort of productive human that spends your time cleaning, reading, gardening, etc, etc. This is a series set in the time of Regency London of the early 1800’s, filled with the royal monarchy, inherited wealth and titles, arranged marriages, and fancy balls. Queen Charlotte is a bit of a spin off series, taking a deeper dive into Queen Charlotte, wife of King George III, who is a powerful character in both seasons of the original series. 

It was a very novel idea that any of The King’s symptoms could be caused by his mind. His mind, his brain: his nervous system. Bouts of mental illness were caused by exhaustion, and imbalance in the body treated with diet, blood sucking leeches, a possession by evil or a curse upon the family. 

In the show, when one doctor does declare that King George’s symptoms are coming from his nervous system and in his mind, you start to think, ok we might be going somewhere positive here. The doctor intervenes with redirection to reality and positive self talk, but it takes a deep dark turn from there. We see that George has periods of hyper fixations on science and the stars. These could be manic episodes; not eating and not sleeping, only diving deeper and deeper into the vastness of space. A vicious cycle; pretty much any negatives symptoms of mental illness are worsened by lack of sleep. 

Anxiety & Panic Attacks

What might not be obvious to everyone at first watch, but certainly caught my eye immediately, was the triggers and the first signs of an impending panic attack and/or dissociative state. The pressure, a change, and nervous waiting causing unsteady hands/tremors: a sign of an activated nervous system. In some scenes, the increasing anxiety is relieved by a physical touch. The sign of support from a trusted right hand man or a hug from someone he loves. We see King George has even developed a healthy habit and coping strategy of gardening and farming. Exercise, fresh air, and accomplishing a task can increase serotonin or gives a boost of dopamine. 

We also see the very dark side of an under-treated, misunderstood, and the shame of dealing with mental illness. The secrecy and shame only delays the support of Queen Charlotte she yearns to lend her new husband. Rather than treating the anxiety, possible triggers for schizophrenic episodes, with positivity, support, therapy, exploring King Georges want and deservingness of love and belonging, he is treated quite the opposite. Torture. Pure torture, possibly trying to toughen him up, maybe? That is the only thing I can think of that would be possible rationale. 

Mental Illness Treatments

When I see how mental illness is viewed and treated (if you can even call it treatment), I am grateful for how far we’ve come. Though, not far enough. In the show, it’s a novel idea that any of the king’s symptoms could be caused by his mind, his brain, his nervous system. Typically, displays of mental illness were thought to be caused by exhaustion, and imbalance in the body treated with diet, blood sucking leeches, a possession by evil or a curse upon the family. 

Even in the show, when one doctor does declare that King Georges symptoms are coming from his nervous system and in his mind, just as you start to think, ok we might be going somewhere positive here. Redirection to reality, positive self talk, but it takes a deep dark turn from there. We see that George has periods of hyper fixations on science and the stars, these could be times of mania. Not eating and not sleeping, only diving deeper and deeper into the vastness of space. A vicious cycle; lack of sleep worsens pretty much any negatives symptoms of mental illness.

A Few Outdated Treatments for Mental Illness Commonly used in the Past

• Treatments to fix an imbalance of the bodies “humors” (meaning bodily fluids: blood, bile, phlegm). We see this mentioned in the show. Treatments mentioned to balance this imbalance include intentional bleeding and vomiting. 
• Mystical rituals like exorcism and prayer: Prayer still being a treatment suggested by many well meaning and ignorant family members still to this day. Faith in a higher power and seeing yourself as part of a bigger plan can aid in centering and grounding someone who feels ungrounded. You can’t pray away a disease of the brain just like you cannot pray away a coronary artery blockage. 
• Isolation and restraints: Especially being an introvert, I value the important of needing to be away from other people and their energy to recharge. But anyone who has dealt with an overactive mind and ruminating thoughts, knows prolonged isolation gives more time for those thoughts to continue to spiral. 
• ECT or electric shock therapy: while much more rare, believe it or not ECT is still in use today. The use of electric shocks to try and reset the nerves and synapses in the brain. While this treatment is certainly controversial, my research shows that a lot has changed since it’s widespread used in the 1950’s to the 1970’s. Technology gives better control and measurement of the amount of electricity. Anesthesia given to make this therapy less torturous, and better follow up care. 
• Lobotomy: a treatment I find exceptionally cruel and dangerous and wild that while not often used, is still technically legal. A lobotomy involved surgically cutting through ones skull and into their brain severing connections in the prefrontal cortex. Side effects include impaired speech, stupor, impaired memory and cognitive function, incontinence, and more. So sure, maybe it relieved patients mental illness but at the expense of their coherent mind. Wild right?

Shock & Reset

One “treatment” shown in the show that does have a small tidbit of effectiveness, that I myself use, is the ice baths. Don’t let me confuse you, prolonged and frequent exposure to ice baths and waterboarding over and over is not what I speak of. But it is true that the cold sensation can help sort of “shock and reset” the nervous system when it is becoming activated. For example, if you have ever seen in movies when someone is getting hysterical or having a panic attack and they dunk their face into a sink or bath of cold water. I have done this.

I also use as needed medications like propranolol or Klonopin, but unfortunately these things take time to kick in. And if you are having a panic attack, the time it takes for pharmacology to help could actually be dangerous. When you feel yourself getting anxious or maybe spiraling into anger, whatever symptom you may experience, a great coping strategy is to take a walk outside in the cool brisk air. That is a more subtle use of cold therapy.

Cold Therapy

Before my very first therapy appointment in January 2020, I was extremely anxious. Deciding to get help is one thing, taking the steps to even make an appointment is another, but actually showing up?! Following through, that is another. I told myself I wasn’t ready, I couldn’t show up, I would never make it. Would I pass out from hyperventilating? I drove straight to my therapists office after dropping Kylie off at school, even though my appointment wasn’t for another hour or so. But I knew if I drove home, I wasn’t leaving. I also knew if I didn’t get out the car, I was going to drive away. So I got out of the car. I walked down the unfamiliar street aimlessly listening to an Oprah Super Soul podcast with Lady Gaga. I some how managed to turn around and walk back in the direction of the office. The cold felt refreshing. I was still nervous, but keeping my body in movement and listening to the Wisest of them, Oprah helped a ton. 

How to Love Someone with Mental Illness

Now to the heroine of our story, Queen Charlotte herself. Her character shows a great example of how to love someone with any chronic illness really, but especially one filled with despair and self doubt. These are the scenes that cause my eyes to well up with tears. That is all we all want: love and unconditional support. I guess I shouldn’t speak for everyone, but I can say in confidence, those of us with chronic conditions, especially an invisible illness like mental illness, often do not feel deserving of that love and acceptance. We feel we are a burden and we feel sad. We may not bring the energy and happiness to enjoy life with a partner and children. 

My husband Travis is probably the best husband I could ask for. Especially in recent years, he’s done a great deal to try and better understand mental illness. How and why someone can’t just see the more rational reality and get stuck into a negative headspace. He picks up the slack on household chores, he lets me sleep in. Sounds like a dream of a partner right? This may sound crazy, but sometimes I wish he were a bit more damaged, so maybe I could feel a little closer to normal. His calm and sound mind, his goals, his hard work and productive days seems to only further reflect the contrast in my own performance. 

“Love is determination. Love is a choice one makes. You take someone in marriage, and you choose to love them. You do not give yourself any other option. Because marriage is difficult. Full of pain.”

Queen Charlotte (adult version): Netflix

So someone like me, can relate to the withdrawal of King George from the relationship. We as the viewer can see that this is a mistake and will only make things worse, but without that outside view someone could see themselves as unworthy of such love from an amazing partner. You “know” they can do better and you will only bring them down. 

Love Without Conditions

“I care not for his sanity. I care for his happiness. I care for his soul. Let him be mad if mad is what he needs”

Queen Charlotte: a Bridgerton Story (Netflix)

That got me. That is all anyone could ask for. I have trouble feeling worthiness of love just at a baseline. It’s a hard concept to feel worthy of when it is not told to you or shown from your parents. Parents: the people biologically supposed to be programmed to love you. So, being aware you are a hot mess and making life difficult for those around you, that feeling of worthiness certainly doesn’t increase. But when Charlotte basically said, I don’t care if he’s sane, I care if he’s happy, she was choosing and expressing unconditional love. 

Is the Work Worth it?

That brings me to a thought I’ve had many times before, when considering my treatments for mental illness that I wonder if anyone else has thought of. Is all this work worth it? The therapy, constantly re-living trauma, being so aware of my problems, taking multiple prescriptions every single day. Having to be so proactive of my triggers to make sure I don’t backslide. I’ve said it to my therapist. I was much happier when I was ignorant that I was even having anxiety or that I really had trauma to complain about. Sure, I was angry, I got into physical fights. I had problems. But none of those problems were anxiety or depression, at least not consciously.

But once I opened my eyes, seeing my life through the thought of my daughter having to go through any of the experiences I had at her age, I opened the box. And I can’t close it back up. It was confirmed by a professional that certain things done to me, or not done for me, were majorly fucked up. You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. I can’t go back. This is why many people with mental illness and/or addiction sometimes choose the consequences over choosing the treatment. The euphoria of a manic episode can seem a better alternative to the dull numbness of life on Lithium. To stay drunk or high can be preferred to severe depression or facing all the horrible things you’ve done to your loved ones. It makes perfect sense. 

We should all try and reserve our judgement.

In Conclusion

I would like to think the work is worth it. It can be hard to actually believe that in my own heart and mind. I’ve said it before: I am very good at giving advice and perspective to others. I am VERY bad at doing that for myself. So I tell you, the work is worth it to be able to be your best self and find joy in this thing we call life. Do as I say, not as I do.

The pursuit of happiness, healing from mental illness, and taking care of our mental health is a process. I would like to think of it as a stage process. I say stage instead of step because I don’t think it’s one step in front of the other. Like the stages of grief, there is no right order. In life, we are falling backwards, moving forward, and going around in circles. I think one of the first or beginning stages to healing is recognition. Understanding your feelings, your symptoms, and maybe even a diagnosis. Knowing maybe you are not at your best, maybe it’s not just laziness or disorganization, or maybe you’re not just sad. And recognition does not mean acceptance. Acceptance would probably be a late stage.

Recognition

Seeing yourself in someone on your TV or relating to a problem and seeing how those around that problem react is very important in todays culture and society. Seeing some of the above TV shows or movies and relating to Rue, Rainbow Johnson, or Randall could be just what someone needed to either have an epiphany about themselves or recognize that what they have is a problem, BUT one that just might have a solution. Just like it’s important for young Black girls to see confident Black women positively portrayed, its important for someone struggling with mental illness to see characters with mental illness not only as the villain or the village idiot. Normalize mental illness. Because their prevalence is much more common than you think. And I just want to commend Netflix for giving us the realness, love, and perspective in Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.

Ashley, RN

Mental Mommy Nurse