Lazy, Crazy, & Spacey? Or is it adult ADHD?

If you’re like me, when you think of ADHD, you think of a rambunctious boy in your middle school class. The one that was the class clown and always talking and getting in trouble. Or you think of the people that are constantly getting distracted when you’re talking to them and they say “SQUIRREL!”. The awareness of adults, especially adult women, being newly diagnosed with ADHD has grown since the start of the pandemic. Most likely, many women lost their abilities to cope and mask their symptoms. The overwhelm, stress, being stuck inside messy homes, and being pulled out of usual routines, brought out symptoms or made them more severe and noticeable. And with social networks like TikTok, women and moms found out they are not alone. 

Is it ADD or ADHD?

First, is is ADHD or ADD? ADD, or attention deficit disorder, is no longer an official diagnosis recognized in the DSM-5. The DSM-5 is the guide used by the American Academy of Psychiatry to classify and diagnose mental disorders. Now, the options for diagnosis are ADHD-inattentive type, ADHD-hyperactive type, and ADHD-combined type. Also, while we are talking names, let us clarify and discuss how the name Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a complete misnomer and leads to a lot of confusion about what people with ADHD even look like. 

People with ADHD often do not suffer from a deficit of attention, most people with ADHD actually have TONS of attention. They just might have difficulty with focusing that attention on on specific tasks or for specific amounts of time. Personally, I am the opposite of the dog distracted by the squirrel in a conversation. I am the dog with the bone that cannot let go. I can’t stand when I am interrupted and can’t finish my thought. Until I get what I was planning to say out, there is no way I can focus on what else is being discussed or happening around me and by the time I say what I was planning to say, the conversation has moved on to a totally different topic. 

Hyperactivity

Hyperactivity isn’t always bouncing around in your chair and pacing around the house. Actually, hyperactivity might be nervous energy that you get out in more subtle ways, especially seen with girls and women. When taking an exam in nursing school I may have been twirling my pencil around, fixing and re-fixing my ponytail, stretching my neck and twisting in the chair to crack my back. Often, my hyperactivity is in my own mind. My inner monologue won’t shut the fuck up. She’s constantly talking and wandering, and my thoughts often think faster than I can speak, type, or write. This causes me to skip words when I am writing, typing, or texting.

“I am most definitely NOT ADHD…”

Once in a while, people would make a comment to me like, “okkkk that was ADD”, something subtle like that. And I used to say, “I definitely do not have ADD, I’m actually the opposite, maybe I have OCD.” Then, a friend of mine that is somewhat of a public figure, posted on her instagram about her unexpected inattentive ADHD diagnosis and how it was such an “ah ha” moment and put a lot of pieces to the puzzle together. So I googled, “symptoms of ADHD in women” and I was pretty mind blown, especially when I came upon hyperfocus: the flip side of the coin of inattention. Then I started listening to podcasts about inattentive ADHD and women with ADHD. I learned so much I had no clue about. I also had to hit the “rewind 30 sec” at least a dozen times each podcast episode… once I realized I had stopped paying attention.

So, I brought it up to my therapist and she agreed it was a possibility. She noticed I had problems with working memory, losing my train of thought when I am talking to her, and a history of anger and outbursts. I told her that I just realized, before reading Harry Potter as an adult, I had never read an entire book. NEVER. In school, before the internet was so advanced, I used to go to the library and check out Cliff Notes of books I was assigned. Then, I even skimmed those. I will read an entire page and not know one thing I just read; my mind goes somewhere else. Also, I learned that childhood trauma and ADHD are very closely linked. 

I mentioned this thought process to my psychiatric medical provider. I thought maybe that is why I was having a hard time finding the right medications and dosages for my anxiety and depression; because maybe there is another problem we aren’t addressing. She asked some basic questions and thought it was definitely worth looking into. One prescription that I can say definitively make a positive change in my mood and anxiety was when I started Wellbutrin. When she told me that Wellbutrin was actually used to treat ADHD either in conjunction with or as an alternative to stimulants, it made a lot of sense.

A Computer Test for ADHD? Sounds Weird to Me

She scheduled me to take a computer assessment, a CNS-VS test is all she said. I tried to look it up and figure out what kind of test it was and how it would be, but really couldn’t find much. My thought was, well if this is a computer test for ADHD and my diagnosis will be made upon this assessment, she will definitely say I didn’t have it. I have always been a great test taker. I may have to re-read a questions 7 different times, emphasizing different key words for my brain to understand it, but after that I can usually get it. So they put me in this small room with a window and nothing but a computer on the desk.

The test had a few different parts, recalling what shapes you had just seen, words you just read. There was a piece of paper with instructions to make sure to include a certain section that is not automatically clicked. I kept reading that paper over and over during the test to make sure I didn’t miss what I was supposed to click. Meanwhile, the test and time ticked on and I missed whatever I was supposed to be memorizing. I asked my doctor was that put there purposely to distract people. She had no clue what I was talking about and ensured me there was nothing planted on purpose. My results were in. There was A LOT of red on the paper with the results. I guess this wasn’t a test you could get by just with test taking strategies from nursing school. 

Diagnosis

My doctor diagnosed me with ADHD. Come to think about it, I don’t know if she classified a type. I am thinking it’s a combo: hyperactive and inattentive. She prescribed Adderall extended release, super low dose. Well that didn’t do much, but no side effects either. So we increased the dose. It’s not the miracle drug I was hoping for, but it does help. Oddly, being a stimulant, it does not hype me up. Which is good, because I thought it might increase my anxiety. 

With the popularization of social media sharing and podcasts and the fact that anyone can put information and their opinions out for such a wide audience, there probably are problems with people spreading misinformation. But I think the benefits of information sharing and peoples ability to share experiences and have peers feel connections and community outweigh the risks of a wrong self diagnosis. 

Instagram Accounts & Podcasts

Here is a sampling of my favorite IG accounts that create some of the best memes related to mental illness and ADHD and podcasts that have helped me learn so much since my diagnosis…

• adhdmemetherapy – self explanatory; everyone loves a good meme
• theneurodivergentnurse – it’s great to have someone who really gets it
• additudemag – very informational
• dinosandcomics – this isn’t ADHD specific, but these little comics will hit you right in the feels #relatable

Podcasts…

• The Neurodivergent Nurse
• ADHD Experts Podcast (by ADDitude magazine)
• Women & ADHD hosted by Katy Weber

Symptoms of ADHD in Adult Women

If you have gotten this far, first off, thank you! And you might be starting to think someone in your life or yourself, might have undiagnosed ADHD, and you might be interested in knowing what other lesser known signs are actually symptoms of ADHD in women.

• Do you get overwhelmed when over stimulated? Such as in stores, parties, crowded spaces. Do you find you are unable to shut off or filter out sounds and distractions that might not bother other people?
• Have you stopped having people over to your house because you are ashamed of the mess?
• Do you have a hard time living in “the middle”, meaning you are either stuck on the couch or a tornado?
• Do you use too much energy or your time staying organized & holding it together? Feeling like you are compensating for deficits
• Do you sometimes feel like a bad friend, partner or mother: missing birthday cards, forgetting plans, or forgetting it was the day you signed up to bring the class snacks?
• Are you drowning in paper? Unopened mail, bills, receipts?
• Is grocery shopping hard? Difficulty meal planning, forgot to bring your list, overwhelmed by all the ingredients you need, walk out without the one thing you went for?
• Maybe you are never late. Doesn’t sound like ADHD right? But the only way you are on time is you are paralyzed until it is time to leave for the event, appt, etc?
• Hyperfocused on one thing, causing you to forget or ignore everything else
• Do you feel these symptoms have gotten worse or started post menopause?
• Have you adopted compensation methods for these symptoms, causing you to work three times as hard to be equally as successful as your peers?

Here are a few online resources to read more into these symptoms and others if you are interested in learning and helping yourself or someone you love: CHADD: Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder & ADDitude Magazine: Inside the ADHD Mind

ashley

Mental Mommy, RN